Walking: A Reminder That I'm Not Dead Yet

Reflect on the physical and emotional hurdles of returning to an active lifestyle at nearly 64, and how a grim cancer diagnosis reshaped my perspective on life. From enduring chemotherapy, radiation, and a life-altering surgery, to walking miles every day with a clenched fist in the face of death, I invite you to ponder what motivates you to keep moving. This episode is filled with anecdotes, reflections, and a challenge to consider your own reasons for pushing forward, no matter the obstacles. Tune in for a thought-provoking journey through life's poignant moments and find inspiration to embrace your own path to resilience.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Here for the memories thought-provoking audio memoir shorts filled with stories, humor, anecdotes and commentary on social, cultural, business and religious issues. Whatever Lyndon remembers and thinks will entertain, challenge and inform is a possible subject. The collection of memories about one's life allows for the development and refinement of a sense of self, including who one is, how one has changed and what one might be like in the future.

Speaker 2: 0:34

Greetings and salutations. I'm Lyndon Wolfe and this is my audio memoir. Here for the memories. I hope that you came here intentionally rather than by chance. Either way, you are welcome to stay for my mindless drivel.

Speaker 2: 0:49

Okay, I'm 63, almost 64, and just started working out again. All right, I'm walking, which is a euphemism for working out. My orthopedic doctor says that if I were to run again, which I did as a college track athlete, I should go ahead and schedule my knee replacement surgeries. That didn't sound too appetizing. So why am I starting to walk again, or work out again, or whatever it is, at 63, almost 64 years old? It's because I think I'm going to live for a while, and I didn't always think that. Plus, I've gotten quite fat, that, on top of being lazy, I've let myself go. It is not a pretty picture. Okay, here's my rationalization.

Speaker 2: 1:32

A little over six years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. It was an awful kind of cancer that had, and still does, a very low rate of survival. I was told that I had a 15% chance of living for five years. I watched all my treatment friends, those who had similar chemotherapy and radiation schedules as I did, perish from the same form of this anus disease. Nonetheless, I endured chemotherapy and radiation simultaneously for six weeks. That was great fun, better than a roller coaster. They gave me some recovery time before I went into the hospital for a nine-hour procedure to remove my esophagus, take one-third of my stomach out and then reattach my remaining stomach up at the base of the removed esophagus, which is just below your Adam's apple. Finally, after being tube-fed for about six weeks, I was told my digestive system would never be the same, and for once the medical experts were right.

Speaker 2: 2:27

So here I am, six years past the diagnosis, and I look like a slug. I move and act like one as well. So I decided to start working out excuse me, walking and just like the athlete I was before, my training that's another euphemism is obsessive. If I do not cross 12,000 steps a day, I feel like a terrible failure and I don't see any reason for living. Okay, that's a euphemism for feeling badly about myself. I would call it guilt, but not at the level of toxic shame. The neighbors often stop and ask me how far I've walked that particular day, and it could be anywhere from five to seven miles. I've gone further when I've lost track of time. It's not particularly exhausting and it gives me an opportunity to think about my next episode. But I do it all in the name of good health.

Speaker 2: 3:19

Now, that's a complete lie. It's not about health. It's about the fact that I'm not dead, that I can still move, breathe deeply, even though my lungs are restricted by the stomach that is stretched over the top of them. It's about everything, but exercising. It's about still being physically present. It is my way of putting a clenched fist in the face of my presumed death. Now there are quite a few people that would probably wish I had succumbed to cancer, and some of them I don't blame for feeling that way, but their wishes are not going to come true, at least not today, it appears. So I will walk again tomorrow, lord willing, and clench my fist in the face of death and those who would like me to be in that state. And all will be well until I get home and realize that, after weeks upon weeks of walking miles upon miles every day, I have not lost six ounces. On Sunday, I weighed in at least a pound more than when I started the process. But whatever, life is good, and although it's short, I would prefer to think about living than dying.

Speaker 2: 4:24

What about you? What keeps you going? What motivates you to exercise your body? If you're like me, it has nothing to do with health, well-being or longevity. It has to do with feeling alive. I don't know about you, but I've got to get up tomorrow and do a job. It's a job that I love, and it's with a family that I love, and I will walk again tomorrow and it all seems to fit together. I'm Lyndon Wool and you have had the good fortune of listening to Hear for the Memories as we part to hopefully soon meet again. I do pray that you have memories that make you feel alive, as you, like me, run headlong oh, excuse me, walk headlong toward the end. Can you describe a moment when you felt truly alive?