Finding a Father

What makes happiness so elusive, and why do we often hide our true selves behind masks? Join me, Linden Wolfe, as I explore the poignant story of Michelle, a former European runway model whose outward beauty belied a deep internal struggle. Her journey highlights the complex interplay between identity and the scars left by abandonment. As I recount the days when Michelle was part of my business unit, her unconventional behavior and the haunting void left by her father's absence reveal a powerful narrative of loss and the desperate search for connection.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Here for the memories thought-provoking audio memoir shorts filled with stories, humor, anecdotes and commentary on social, cultural, business and religious issues. Whatever Lyndon remembers and thinks will entertain, challenge and inform is a possible subject. The collection of memories about one's life allows for the development and refinement of a sense of self, including who one is, how one has changed and what one might be like in the future.

Speaker 2: 0:34

Greetings and salutations. This is Lyndon Wolfe and you have joined here for the Memories, my audio memoir. So glad you stopped by Today. The podcast is going to be a little somber. It's a story, an experience in my life that I have recalled, often sadly, but at the same time there is a message of hope at the conclusion of this. I don't know how the story ended and I'm hopeful it ended well. You know, when it comes to the happiest person I've ever met, my initial reaction is that they all tie for dead last.

Speaker 2: 1:16

In the 1983 blockbuster movie, the Big Chill, chloe, the last person to have had any relationship or contact with the deceased friend, stoically says what many of us think I haven't met that many happy people in my life. How do they act? I've met some people I thought were happy, but I didn't see them when they were behind closed doors or as they met with themselves in awkward silence and solitude, maybe waking up in the morning or going to sleep at night, crying. Sometimes it's all a facade, a grand illusion, like Michelle's story Not a real name, by the way, a former European runway model for some of the most famous fashion designers in the world. Michelle was physically beautiful, one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. Candidly, tall, thin and blonde, she had a pair of piercing blue eyes that seemed to reveal not the self-confidence one would expect in such a pretty girl, but an internal sadness. I think in some ways she might have been the saddest person I have ever met.

Speaker 2: 2:27

When Michelle was transferred to my business unit, I found her qualified to be our receptionist. As she trained as a new employee, everything seemed fine. It was soon thereafter that Michelle's bizarre behavior began. She began to show up for work wearing men's clothes Not stylish fashions based on current men's styles, but the type of dress attire typically worn by middle-aged and significantly overweight businessmen. She could even wrap the belts around her waist twice in some cases. Though counseled numerous times that she was not within the dress code for position, she periodically came to work in the same odd clothing.

Speaker 2: 3:14

One day I had no choice but to confront her again this time. I wanted to know the impetus behind her noncompliance. I was unprepared for the tragic twist our conversation took. I asked her Michelle, are you happy? No, she quickly and succinctly replied, struggling to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. When I asked if she could explain what was wrong. She stated that her alcoholic father abandoned her when she was four. Twenty-five years later, she only had a vague recollection of him and didn't know whether he was even alive. Perhaps even more troubling, she was unsure whether he really ever loved her. What do you think would make you happy? I asked her Without hesitation. She said finding my father. I've been searching for him everywhere and for a long time I knew I was in over my head. I wasn't a professional counselor and Michelle needed one. I redirected her to the task at hand and told her in no uncertain terms that if her bizarre behavior continued, we would be forced to terminate her employment. Michelle walked away with a forlorn nod and drooping shoulders. The runway model she was had gone into hiding.

Speaker 2: 4:39

Two days later, michelle wore the odd men's apparel again and was released from her work with us. In time we learned more of her story. Michelle had the habit of frequenting the same bar every night and drinking heavily there. She would become severely inebriated and find an overweight, middle-aged businessman with whom she'd hook up with for the evening. The next day, michelle would leave her clothes behind, take the man's clothes, put them on, sneak out and come to work. To this day, a chill runs through my bones as I realize how Michelle's desperate craving to fill the void of her father's abandonment led her to repeatedly engage in this twisted game.

Speaker 2: 5:26

A few things of note. Psychologists tell us that our perception of God is usually framed by our opinions of and experiences with our dads, even adopted ones. Dad was harsh and mean, so was God. If the father figure was kind and generous, so was God to you, and so on. Also, christianity is the only major religion that describes their supreme being as father. It is unique that an all-powerful, all-knowing being would be viewed in such an intimate way. The Bible even suggests we call him Abba Daddy. Also, christianity tells us that God desires for us to be his children and even makes us his heirs alongside his eternal son.

Speaker 2: 6:16

Oh, how I wish Michelle embraced this comforting message that the Scripture says God is the father to the fatherless. And if you haven't, I pray you embrace it as well. I'm Lyndon Wolfe, and this has been here for the Memories. I pray that you can look back over your life and remember your father if he's no longer with us and remember him fondly, or, if he is with you, that you look back and see a kind, loving, generous person that poured into you so that you would become all that you potentially could be content and what it takes to create and deliver it.

Speaker 1: 7:02

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