Beaver Damned: The Flying Wedge

Ever had a perfectly ordinary day suddenly transform into a story you'll be telling for decades? That's exactly what happened when a simple golf game turned into "The Beaver Dam Incident."

My supposedly reliable 56-degree wedge—ironically nicknamed "the closer"—had other plans that day on the 16th hole. One slippery grip later, and my beloved club was helicoptering through the air before landing squarely in what I can only describe as "a rodent condo." Thus began our impromptu rescue mission featuring four grown men, a borrowed groundskeeper's rake, and one very unimpressed beaver.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Here for the Memories
• 0:37 Lyndon's Audio Memoir Purpose
• 1:13 Continuing the Golfing Stooges Story
• 2:07 The Flying Wedge Incident Begins
• 3:19 Operation Wedge Retrieval
• 5:57 Wrapping Up and Coffee Request

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Here for the memories thought-provoking audio memoir shorts filled with stories, humor, anecdotes and commentary on social, cultural, business and religious issues. Whatever Lyndon remembers and thinks will entertain, challenge and inform is a possible subject. The collection of memories about one's life allows for the development and refinement of a sense of self, including who one is, how one has changed and what one might be like in the future.

Speaker 2: 0:36

Greetings and salutations. This is Lyndon Wolfe and you have had the good fortune of stumbling upon my audio memoir, not a podcast. It's about me, my life, my stories, my thoughts, my commentary, just to leave something behind for the small crowd that knows and loves me, so that when I depart this planet they wouldn't read a memoir but they may listen to some of these silly excerpts and laugh at me or laugh with me. Nonetheless, I'm glad you've joined me for this part of the journey, always glad to have visitors. Last episode we looked at four golfing stooges linden, uniquely named nate, shane and alan and their escapades. The story continues. I would call this beaver damned the flying wedge story. Now, following the infamous nate lost in the woods incident of the last episode, the guys had managed to play another few holes with only minor trauma. Lyndon got dive-bombed by a Blue Jay, allen spraying something important while sneezing. Shane lost his favorite ball to what may or may not have been a fox with a tidalist addiction. And Nate well, nate continued being Nate. It was all calm until the 16th hole. Lyndon stood at the edge of a small creek that meandered alongside the fairway. Behind it, a peaceful little beaver dam. Very picturesque, very serene. Lyndon took out his trusty 56-degree wedge, the one he called the closer the closer right, that's a misnomer for a delicate chip shot. He lined it up, swung with grace and beautifully executed until in slow motion horror he watched as the closer slipped right out of his hand, its wing and helicoptered through the air like a majestic but cursed baton Plop, right in the middle of the beaver dam. Silence ensued. Did you notice how I ensued the silence? Did you just throw your club into a rodent condo? Alan asked, blinking, it wasn't on purpose. Linden muttered the grip was wet, you're wet. Nate said helpfully. Sipping a Diet Coke like this was a drama-free documentary. Shane stepped forward scanning the dam. Okay, we retrieve it. No big deal, it's just wood and water and nature. Alan chimed in. And beavers, yeah, shane said, possibly carnivorous ones, but still we're off to the damn rescue. The team sprang into action like a half-motivated SWAT unit. Nate was voted least useful, so he was in charge of documenting the mission with his phone. This was for posterity, he said. But also TikTok. Shane took off his socks, rolled up his pants and stepped into the water. It's only a couple feet deep. This is totally manageable. Alan handed him a rake from the groundskeeper's cart that they borrowed. He's napping. It's only a couple feet deep. This is totally manageable. Alan handed him a rake from the groundskeeper's cart that they borrowed. He's napping, it's fine.

Speaker 2: 4:10

Lyndon stood behind with immoral support and yelled things like Watch out for snake logs and don't let his teeth make an imprint on you. Shane prodded at the dam. I can see it. It's wedged in the top, like it's part of the architecture. Beavers have taste, linden quipped.

Speaker 2: 4:30

Suddenly, a head popped up from the water, and it wasn't Shane's. A beaver stared at him judgingly. Shane froze he's. He's looking into my soul. Alan, with more words of wisdom, be diplomatic. Shane nodded solemnly. Mr Beaver, good sir, I don't want to disrespect your home, but I do require my friend's poorly thrown golf implement. The beaver slapped the water loudly with his tail and disappeared. Shane quoted that famous line. I think that's a no.

Speaker 2: 5:14

There was a heroic conclusion, however well, kind of heroic. I don't know if you call these, these yahoos, heroic in any, but after about 15 more minutes of negotiation, shane yelling and the beaver splashing, shane managed to hook the wedge with the rake, lift it triumphantly into the air and immediately he slipped backward into the creek like a reverse Excalibur moment. Lyndon helped him up. You're a hero. I'm soaked, okay. You're a wet hero. Shane glared. We're never speaking of this again, okay? Oh, definitely not, except at your wedding and your funeral, and possibly both.

Speaker 2: 5:57

Back at the clubhouse, dripping and covered in questionable moss, the boys recounted the tale over lukewarm hot dogs and pride-swallowing beers. Next week, allen said, staring to the middle distance, we need to go bowling, agreed, they all said. Nate then pulled out his phone by the way, our beaver video has 12,000 views. They all stared at him. What hashtag did you use? Lyndon asked Hashtag Wedge Warriors. The table nodded in solemn approval. The end. Again. I'm Lyndon Wolfe and you've been listening to my audio memoir here for the Memories. I hope you can look back on things that have happened to you with friends or even on your own that were ridiculous and silly and exaggerated and maybe bigger than life, and you look back and there's a glint in your eye and there is a smile on your lips and there's a jump in your heart as you recollect fondly these treasures that make life so interesting.

Speaker 1: 7:23

If you don't have them, it takes to create and deliver it. Please consider a small contribution. Just go to buymeacoffeecom slash here for the memories. That's buymeacoffeecom slash here for the memories. Much appreciated.